Mom remarked recently that she found it hard to believe that i was not even an adult, given the things and events that i had gone through or was currently dealing with.
She was, in every sense, right and so was the fortune teller.
I am undergoing blood tests and more tests to determine whether i have reached pre-menopause or am i experiencing premature ovarian failure.
Either way, they both don’t sound good. And to shut those on the other side of the fence, the abortion had nothing to do with it.
Perhaps, like one of Dr House’s episodes, i may have become over exposed to testosterone, which resulted in the low production of estrogen.
I never thought that could happen but i guess, the thin line between reality and fiction just got thinner.
I have this strange adversion for floor plans that i think i must be an architect in my previous life. In fact, one of my hobbies is actually, hanging out at new launches and show flats to get glimpses of their floor plans.
No one really knows of this hobby of mine, not even Old boy.
Of course, viewing of floor plans is one thing; constructing them is another. Now that the tenancy agreement has been executed, the headache of getting quotations for the minor works that i was intending to do, was next.
Thank goodness there was floorplanner.com.
Nothing says it best with pictures and it bridges the gap between the designers and myself. Despite the fact that it is a rented flat, it is exciting and as close as i can get to owning my “home”.
One probably doesn’t make a difference but when there are four and all after the same thing, it doesn’t do any good on a woman’s self-esteem.
For a woman after truth, probably the most painful knowledge of all is that these four and not related to each other in any way, do not want your companionship and the only company they seek is the hole between your legs.
But because of the pain, there is the fuel to write.
It’s not exactly a great day when the first thing you do in the office is to kill a cockroach that had probably been running around your table the past few days.
For some strange reason, we had an intense discussion over a matter which we had both discussed previously.
And essentially, i realised that behind the intensity was a plea. That he needed me more than anything else to help him cope with the increasing amount of work.
But i am stunted for now.
I must admit i must have been sleeping not to examine the rationality of the situation like a lawyer and i do wonder now, that when he’s away clearing his exams, would i be able to survive without him?
Because when he’s away, it means that i have to take over his tasks. With everyone hoping and expecting so much out of me, it’s hard to breathe sometimes.
I do love every bit of this job, despite the long hours and irresponsive counsels. Perhaps He is right.
I do really need to grow up even faster.
That’s an estimate of the floor plan of my soon-to-be-but-also-rented flat. After shifting once and having to shift again, i decided that getting a whole unit made more sense, considering that i fall short of HDB’s requirements to own a flat.
And i guess i was lucky enough to land a whole unit at Eunos and i managed to bargain the rent even lower.
After all, earning a higher rental income also meant having more taxable income isn’t it? 
Now that’s left is signing the tenancy agreement and the purchase of furnitures. As it is, my co-tenant and i already have differing viewpoints on furnishings for every other aspect of the house apart from our rooms.
Oh well.
Living with Old boy has made life so much easier that it takes a while to adjust to another person’s preferences. He has always given me the freedom to do what i want although he does explicitly tell me what he doesn’t like to be done.
I miss him.
Marriage is another stage in a person’s life. As more of my friends and relatives walk down the aisle, some a second time, and some their first, it makes me wonder if any one of us with the awareness that a union will not last, would step in to advert a possible crisis.
I found out recently that a friend of mine was going to marry a girl who brought him many problems at work and on the personal front. Relentless were his daily calls to me to discuss his pains and when he talked about getting serious with her, it became increasingly difficult to be patient with him.
I stopped answering his calls therafter. Thinking back, I may not have been a very good friend by doing so but I couldn’t bear to attend the wedding, with the knowledge of the cracks already present within the relationship.
It’s not that I didn’t try to help them. I did but the difference was, she didn’t want any help.
A lot of us think that a marriage or a kid may be the saving grace to any broken relationship / marriage. Having seen and experienced it myself, there’s no foolproof solution for any relationship.
It always comes full circle I guess.
The reviews for GTA 4 have been hard to ignore, especially after hearing a friend talk about his alter ego in the game. The ability to be rash, to hunt down and gun down carelessly, to speed around recklessly and be the rebel without a cause.
Who wouldn’t want to step into another person’s shoes for one night?
I do believe we all have a kid in us.
Not the childish part of playing with dolls or playgrounds but the desire to be young because you know you’ll be forgiven for most of your mistakes.
Yet, there’s always a thin line between reality and fantasy. And i know for one, that i do have problems with self-control.
Eunos was where it all started and Eunos was going to be where it all ended.
The landlord needs our room for his mom, which in effect, has also given Old boy the catalyst to move back home.
So i guess this is it.
The finale of everything. The culmination of sorts. Or simply, the end.
I still cried like a child crying for her favourite toy. The frustrations we both put up with, the memories that we shared, the events that we have gone through together, and not to mention, the fun of just lazing around in each other’s arms, or the laughter from tickling each other.
As a couple, as a partner, as a friend.
This is the final goodbye.
This solo trip to Bali was better than i expected. I probably did some of the craziest and silliest things i ordinarily would have never done, like parasailing, teaching a bartender how to make lime margarita, smoking Sampoerna cigarettes so that the pesky flies would leave me alone and zipping around town on one of the local’s motorbike.
But the best part of it all was finally finding my peace.
With a capital L.
As usual, there are tons of changes that i grapple with on a daily basis. One of which, is the loss of freedom to enjoy and be myself.
Wala is no longer the same after some incidents. I can no longer go there with the usual people nor can i even be there without feeling a sense of loss.
Somehow, i am made to feel that i chose this path even though i was just exercising my right and freedom to choose. It is honestly sad that things have turned this way. No matter how much i want to make people happy, i often end up the one to have the bitter taste in my mouth.
If any, at all, it makes me wonder if sacrifices were meant to be liberating.
