Sunshin3

The puffiness of the eyes is a dead give away of the tears that flowed last night.

There I was, in his arms, as always. His steady composure, his strong arms, the whiff of his scent. And I was brawling. Like a young child who lost her sweet or favourite toy.

His unassuming demeanour and constant reassurances left me vulnerable.

I went to cry in the living room, without him knowing so that i wouldn’t disrupt whatever he was doing and I would have successfully pulled it off if he wasn’t that observant to my sniffles when I entered the bedroom to retire for the night.

Strong women are equally emotional, if not more, than the weaker ones.

There is no one conclusive reason for my emotional weakness yesterday evening but I guess perhaps, it’s the stress that my initial plans weren’t going ahead as it should have been. I thought I had it worked out but it backfired.

Hearing his steadied snoring and feeling the bulk of his unguarded movements when he’s asleep, i lie awake and comforted by the man who made me his bolster on nights like this. His warmth and cuddles assured me of his love and security.

I know he loves me and i love him too.

Yet i can’t help but feel that i’ve been unfaithful to him at times and it feels worse after the talk I had with another guy in my life the night before.

I know myself, that i have one, two many loves.

I don’t like to be in this position and I do not know of any one who would desire to be in my shoes either.

To have to think and choose is a relative simple concept of decision-making but our familiarity with our comfort zones threaten the basis of our precarious assumptions.

It was another night of me, myself and hypocritical I.