Sunshin3

At the end of the day, there’s only one of me.

My equanimity and resourcefulness have put me in an excellent stead at work but it has created a problem for my bosses.

Especially when they are faced with a choice between their selfish desires or what is best for the company.

Perhaps like what Old boy used to tell me that i had the best thing in the world apart from him.

Youth.

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1.

This is what he came up with…..

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.. I ran until I fall 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don’t understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don’t know what he 1.

I can’t remember where i stumbled onto this comic strip but i think it’s damn cool with their literal word play of phrases accustomed to our ears.

God, I still have problems with humility.

Do i really come across as an airhead or a bimbo?

I thought i always understood a lot of things and i find it hard to accept it when he says i don’t seem to understand what he says. It hurts because i tend to reflect on my listening and communicative ability.

Am i supposed to paraphrase or mirror what he says all the time like what i have learnt from effective communication?

I find it so weird and unnatural doing that because of the acute awareness that these effective communication skills are usually used for counsellor/counselee relationships.

Oh Lord, help me.

*yawns*

I feel like the woman who’s multitasking in the magiclean ad.

The man doesn’t know that i’m at his place, cleaning his room and washing his laundry now.

Although i swung by around 9 plus in the evening, it feels good even at 12.30am to do a little something for him in return for all that he’s done for me.

Emmanuel will be his name regardless of the gender.

My decision to abort wavers as i understand more about fetal development and abortion procedures. It’s hard to believe that at the sixth week, the embryo has developed its nervous system and a heartbeat and i remembered how strong Emmanuel’s heartbeat was when Dr. Goh showed me the ultrasound. My projected date of delivery would have been April 2, 2008 but that means Emmanual would be born as an Aries in the year of the Rat.

Ugh. I am not very fond of people born in the year of the Rat.

I’m really sorry baby but selfishly said, through you, i now know that the other half can never be the other half in real life.

My boss was right to a certain extent that such obstacles do indicate the depth of your relationship. It’s funny to hear her label the other half as the jerk but it makes the relationship between us real.

I took a leap of faith telling her but Alexis knows why i eventually did and she supports me.

Amidst the nausea and emotional overdrive, i’ve managed to get past the day and finish up the presentation materials for this Thursday’s seminar. I just hope she doesn’t screw herself up on the day of the presentation because it’s hard to do damage control in a live setting.

My next gynae appointment will be this Thursday as well, right after the seminar. Jojo, Andrew, Alvin, Alexis, Cheryl, Soon, even Aberwyn (surprise surprise) and some of the online chatters have been giving me a lot of moral support and encouragement. Diana, an ex-colleague of mine, came all the way from her office to my office to pass me a bouquet of bears.

Such sweet thoughtfulness.

I am truly blessed.

I’ve never felt lousier in my entire life before.

Nobody warned me about the emotional rollercoasters i would be going through.

Getting pregnant should be one of the happiest things in a woman’s life but yet, i feel as if the whole weight of the world is on me. For one, i did not display any symptoms, two, my ovaries are polycystic and three, we usually use protection.

My every action, my every choice regarding this pregnancy, has got many implications on the lives of people entwined in my inner circle.

As a matter of fact, i did speak to my boss but i didn’t had the balls of steel to tell Old boy that. As it is, i was quite hurt when he tried to justify who could be the father of the child since i was also seeing another guy and i almost lost my rationality there and then.

For that split second, i felt like a slut.

I know it’s not easy for him too and on hindsight, i wished i didn’t tell him.

I seriously rather be the only one suffering than to have the whole lot of loved ones suffer with me. At least if it was purely me, i could control the degree and lessen the pain in methods i’ve known to work.

It hurts to be the one bawling your eyes out late at night, alone in bed but i’ll be fine by tomorrow.

I really dislike such emotional instability and the weakness i’m displaying.

Signs of life @ 6 weeks…

Amazingly, I only stalled the engine twice during my first driving lesson.

My instructor is an old man with 30 years of teaching experience and who uses a metal pointer to hit my left knee when I’m either not depressing the clutch fully or not releasing it fully.

It’s not easy but it’s not hard either. I just need more practice.

Of all the times spent with Old boy, the ones that really leave an impression are the mornings we wake up together before heading out for breakfast.

I love it when he wakes up and cuddles me. Not because i can feel his erection against me , but it’s the intimacy and closeness that makes the start of the day more assuring and comforting, especially so when you’re like me, having to work during weekends.

(-.-”)

Yes i am peeved but i’m not going to let it affect my mood today. And heh, it’s my first attempt at learning to drive today….

The way he brushes my hair against my face, the way he snuggles himself against me, his thoughtfulness in many little things, the endearing moments we have like when we take a walk or when we cooked our first meal together..

Of course, there are definitely times he gets irritated by me like when i’m more concerned about wiping the floor than getting the cat out of our bed or when he mentions that i drop a lot of hair but he’s never raised his voice or lay a finger on me.

Cohabitation has taught me much even though Old boy has not diverted from how i have always known him to be. I just happen to understand his little quirks and habits much better and i get the chance to see how he’s like in the context of familiar ground.

And it’s really sweet and addictive living with him.