Sunshin3

It is shortly after midnight and i am deeply perturbed. It has nothing to do with the surgery that i have subsequently cancelled, opting for a needle biopsy instead.

The Asshat as he is known to me, has resurfaced and quite intent on making my life miserable. I thought he would leave me alone after i had repaid the money he loaned to me previously but such wasn’t the case.

I guess i am somewhat frightened because he has tried to force himself on me before and what makes it different this time round is that i can actually feel the anger seething from his phone messages to me. Given how impersonal messages usually are, to be able to deliver an emotional impact is quite something.

I will not discuss the details of the issue in public as the bare minimum courtesy i can give to him. However, he essentially falls into a certain category of men who view sex as a form of power and punishment to women. And please, let me know if you see any raunchy pics or videos of me on the internet.

Haha.

We all have different methods to deal with life’s crankiness.

Unfortunately, my method of working to ignore the crankiness is definitely not working. With the bed and tv unavailable, the living room and bathroom occupied by others, the broken mp3 player sitting on the desk, there’s not much left apart from blogging, for me to expel the negativity.

Such is the lot of life.

In other news, the doctor has determined that it is another fibroadenoma on my left breast (again). Surgery has been scheduled for next Monday but i am still in two minds about it as well, i cannot afford to lose anymore breast tissue and since it is benign and smaller than my previous incidence, is it really necessary to grow through the whole emotional melodrama once more?

And in case you want to know why it always appears on the left breast, Wikipedia answers it all:-

“The tumours are slightly more common on the left breast than on the right, possibly for reasons associated with blood flow or arm and shoulder activity, most people being right handed.”

Can’t say whether it’s the truth but i guess, it does make me feel better some what.

The boss has spoken.

Please join the refurbished cowboybar.

Not necessarily better, but definitely livelier and you guys get it good because the threads are public..

Well, most anyway. With the exception of threads on sex and orgies, most threads are for public viewing enjoyment.

Similar to the other sex-crazed forums where members have to earn points to get upgraded access, our system is such that we prefer references from your previous acquaintances on your ’skills’.

Either that or when you show us that you are ready and able to handle more power.

Happy jerking!

Jeff Michaels has this piano ballad composed by him, “Only time will tell” and it’s the song of the moment for me.

Old boy finally spoke his mind over the weekend on some of my behavioural actions that irritated him and of course, me being me, the first instance was to question why didn’t he tell me earlier.

I try to avoid conflicting situations like this, especially between Old boy and me because it is a sore reminder of Airhole and myself.

The hurt from the miscommunication between Airhole and myself is still there even after more than a year of getting over him.

It wasn’t the fact that it was love lost for me for still being upset with Airhole. It was because he did not try to communicate to me how he felt about certain things and continued obliging me and he only dared to confront it 9 months after we broke up, in front of our pastors, where and when he felt safe to do so.

Was I that difficult to talk to?

Was I that fragile that it seemed that truth was too painful to discuss?

Or was it because men generally do not really know how they feel until they know it mentally that they do not like it?

I see this trend in the men that I am dating and I do feel quite hopeless to a punishing extent.

It is hard to forgive myself over this aspect because I always thought I had it going in terms of communication and intuitiveness and I always encouraged listening and speaking from the heart. My friends were honest with me over their feelings when I hurt them and why couldn’t the same be said for my personal relationships?

Well, part of me guesses that it is because I am human and I make mistakes like anyone of us.

Strangely, to that end, I find it difficult to accept if the answer is because I am young. Shouldn’t we be harsher on the young as they are in their foundational years because once they reach a certain age, getting them to change is almost non-existent?

I honestly do not know but for now, I know I shouldn’t try so hard anymore.

After three weeks of waiting, Old boy’s Christmas present is finally here.

Whilst others get Xboxes, PSPs and iPhones as Christmas presents for their significant others, i chose to get a full-scale wireless keyboard and mouse set from a4tech because it was something that he needed.

And in his words, “The best Christmas present evar!”

My mind’s been in a whirl, my expiry date is almost up as well.

Honestly, i am confused and i don’t really know what to do or how to proceed.

Attempts to blog have been unsuccessful as well.

I guess that’s just me.

Old boy’s flight departs at 7am this morning so you can expect the time i will be up.

And my day won’t end till 11pm as i have that wretched dinner that LKY is attending.

Tata for now!

The poor boy is still coughing yet the bosses have booked him on a flight to China this coming Monday. I highly doubt this China trip will soothe his cough but can we do anything?

Nada.

I have been on medical leave as well, thereby skipping the opening of the Keppel Marina Bay bridge which made Senior (or Curious George as he is affectionately known to Old boy as) rather upset. If that’s not all, my ex-fiance has also been trying to communicate with me albeit for the wrong reasons.

And so is him and him who are both waiting for my reply so that they can be one of the 5,000 applicants balloting for a hdb flat.

Looks like a great start to a new year.

I can hardly wait.

Via kohlerphoto on istockphoto.com

New Year’s Eve was more an orgasmic experience rather than a gastronomic experience.

That being said, the New Year marks the year i will finally be called an adult, notwithstanding my actual birthday date. Of course to some people, i am a 32 year old woman in mid management.

That’s what Senior wants me to play along after he has decided that he wants me around as a fashion accessory. I have a soft launch of the Keppel Bay Marina bridge to attend on 3 Jan, a gala dinner to celebrate the 40th Anniversary of the Institute of Southeast Asian Studies on 7 Jan and another launch to attend on 19 Jan.

It won’t be soon before long that my name will pop up in business circles and social events that my ex-boss and her current squeeze dominate.

The connections that he has and the people that he can set me up with is scary to say the least. It has always been said and proven in gender studies that women gravitate towards men with power and ambition yet it doesn’t seem to be the case for me.

Socialising has never been my cup of tea and perhaps, why i have agreed to tag along for his government and business events is because of pure, unadulterated, selfish business reasons. He has the power and the circle of people who are able to make things happen for me in the future.

And opportunities are what i need at this point in my life.

He fixed up a 2 + 1 speaker layout from our tv and notebooks.

We now have a home theatre in our little enclave and i can really be that rock chick at heart.

Sweet!