Sunshin3

Jeff Michaels has this piano ballad composed by him, “Only time will tell” and it’s the song of the moment for me.

Old boy finally spoke his mind over the weekend on some of my behavioural actions that irritated him and of course, me being me, the first instance was to question why didn’t he tell me earlier.

I try to avoid conflicting situations like this, especially between Old boy and me because it is a sore reminder of Airhole and myself.

The hurt from the miscommunication between Airhole and myself is still there even after more than a year of getting over him.

It wasn’t the fact that it was love lost for me for still being upset with Airhole. It was because he did not try to communicate to me how he felt about certain things and continued obliging me and he only dared to confront it 9 months after we broke up, in front of our pastors, where and when he felt safe to do so.

Was I that difficult to talk to?

Was I that fragile that it seemed that truth was too painful to discuss?

Or was it because men generally do not really know how they feel until they know it mentally that they do not like it?

I see this trend in the men that I am dating and I do feel quite hopeless to a punishing extent.

It is hard to forgive myself over this aspect because I always thought I had it going in terms of communication and intuitiveness and I always encouraged listening and speaking from the heart. My friends were honest with me over their feelings when I hurt them and why couldn’t the same be said for my personal relationships?

Well, part of me guesses that it is because I am human and I make mistakes like anyone of us.

Strangely, to that end, I find it difficult to accept if the answer is because I am young. Shouldn’t we be harsher on the young as they are in their foundational years because once they reach a certain age, getting them to change is almost non-existent?

I honestly do not know but for now, I know I shouldn’t try so hard anymore.