Sunshin3

Image taken from chinahighlights.com

This is probably going to be chronicled in one of the craziest things that sunshin3 has ever done biography.

I’m going to Shanghai tomorrow evening and will return to Singapore on Monday early morning.

See you guys when i return!

I sat on Old boy’s lap while he recited the apologies that came with my entry below. The events that have happened of late, wasn’t his fault because I may have forced him into a corner unknowingly.

It’s painful knowing that he’s not sleeping well.

It’s painful knowing that he’s having a difficult time too.

It’s painful knowing that no matter what, he still loves me and cares for me deeply.

My worst fear has always been that Old boy is only here for a season of my life.

I dare not imagine how life would be like without him by my side. But if that happens, I know that I will still have to move on.

I cannot learn to love a person less.

I can only learn to love him more.

Old boy did a freudian slip last night.

He may not have been aware but it was enough to give me an insight to the decision that he wanted to make.

I just want to tell you that i am sorry.

I’m sorry for the times I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I’m sorry for the times that I had to go
I’m sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home waiting for me
I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’m not always there
I’m sorry for the fact that I am not aware
That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there

Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I am so proud to have been with you

I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that i put you through
And all the times you didn’t know what to do

I’m sorry that you had to do it on your own
I’m sorry that I went and added to your grief
I’m sorry that I grew up way too slow
I wish I would’ve listened and not be so bad
I’m sorry your life turned out this way

Dating websites these days have a bunch of illogical, irrelevant profile questions that you have to fill up before you can be admitted as a member and on hindsight, I shouldn’t have agreed to join any of them.

Those who were interested in me were either married or much older and none of them, Singaporean. And you have the usual, “Hi, want a fling?”

A waste of my time filling in all those unimportant details like which part of Singapore I am staying at, to begin with.

It is quite pathetic when someone who is recently acquainted with you, also tells you that you will never be able to attract locals because of the way you are.

Sigh. Is there something in me that implies I am anti-singaporean or pro-genocide in anyway?

I guess I just got more desperate when I was dateless on Valentines Day.

It’s quite sucky to have to stay in office long enough so that your eyes are spared the torture of watching couples saunter around boat quay or seeing delivery boys hand over flowers to intended recipients. Whilst others leave their offices for a good meal, I had macdonalds for lunch and instant noodles at 11pm as my dinner.

I am not bitter at couples having found their loves, just bitter at the fact that this acquaintance who hardly knew me, was right.

Honestly, I’ve seen some of the profiles of the girls on the websites and they are extremely attractive which leads me to wonder why are they still single.

Ah well.

Let’s throw some hoops and see how it pans out.

I totally forgot about my 3pm teleconference call with the associate and our clients and went to happily catch Old boy for some oxytocin relief when he called me at 2.45pm after his meeting. Thankfully, the associate wasn’t upset but he was laughing at how I left him alone to settle the client.

Sigh, my priorities are honestly screwed up. Then again, it’s not even my project!

Grr.

I am not sure if it was my letter to the PM that made His Excellency realise something about the growing generation of youngsters or was it the bellyaching of Singaporeans.

You see, poor Sunshin3 here belongs to the rare handful of “teenagers”, who are working full time and paying taxes. However, due to a legislative ruling that payouts were only given to adults who have officially turned 21, we never received a single cent for our contribution.

It isn’t exactly their fault either because they would operate under the assumption that you would normally be in school at 20 and they have factored in post-secondary payouts in the form of your edusave account which you should have been eligible to receive PROVIDED you were still in school. That’s the normal situation and ideally, what all of us would have liked to achieve.

Of course the facts were that they weren’t for our cases.

So when the GST credits were announced, they tweaked it slightly to allow those who were going to be 21 in the year of payout to get the same benefit which Dingo subsequently enjoyed. And now with this year’s budget 2008, they have extended it to include the growth dividends as well which I will FINALLY enjoy.

MWHAHAHAHHA!

I am happy but disapprove somewhat of their dividend policy based on the valuation of your flat when in fact, they should include the number of kids a couple may have. And if you are a DINK, I don’t see why you should get such a good payout cos you have no other commitments except the pursuit of your comfortable, material acquisitions. Just imagine the case of a couple having a total of S$1,200 in payout as opposed with another couple having the same amount but with 3 kids.

Spreading a little too thinly, don’t you think?

The sadness of reality is that Singaporeans are asset rich but not cash rich. Thus the reason why they have all these talk of annuities as well because they are right. Unless you are single for life, it is never possible for you to have enough money to last for retirement without investing in bonds and surefire guaranteed stock returns.

And how i know?

Cos i use calculator lor.

The morning started with a damper.

I was supposed to fly to Hong Kong on 22nd, thereafter hop to Macau for a night before going over to Guangzhou with Old boy. Of course, the unexpected happened and Old boy’s Guangzhou leg is off.

I do not mind forfeiting the train tickets that I have bought to Guangzhou and the ferry ticket that I bought for Macau because it isn’t very substantial. However, my air ticket has been issued and because payment has been made by the travel agency, refunds will have to wait 3-6 months as per SQ’s refunds policy.

So I thought I’ll skip the Macau and Guangzhou leg and just spend 3 days in HK. Common sense would be that the fare should be cheaper right?

Guess how much the travel agency wanted to charge me.

S$998! And SQ is only quoting S$645 for a return leg to Hong Kong!

Honestly, I am upset, not because effort and resources were spent but because of the inflexibility, lack of options and ridiculous additional charges but there is nothing much I can do. It is either I proceed with the trip alone, postpone since the validity is one year or cancel it. Postponing isn’t a good option unfortunately because of certain circumstances.

Whichever way, I still have to make payment and it sucks. It’s just a question of how much more am I willing to pay for a trip with no benefits or how much lower do I want to go to get my money back.

Old boy is not having it easy either because he was rather looking forward to this trip and the best I can do is just give him a smile and comfort him that it’s ok. I know he would appreciate if I didn’t throw a tantrum.

Ah well.

Such is the life and happenings of a non-exclusive relationship. Parents never ever tell you that your boyfriend’s bosses are like their first wives.

They have the first right to refusal, anytime.

Guess where i am at 9.30pm this evening?

No prizes for guessing the right answer although there could be a bonus if you also guess that i have not eaten dinner yet.

Amidst the gloom, there is a silver lining.

My very first research report has been published although no names are indicated because it’s a firm contribution kinda thing. But i am happy to be recognised for my efforts and it isn’t every day of course that the Executive Director commends you on a report well written.

But it also means heavy involvement come June 2008 during the Singapore International Water Week.

Ah well, the things we do for what we love.

Literally, i am.

Some days he needs me, some days he wants me. Other days, it can even be the opposite. Sometimes he’ll say he’ll leave me, other times he’ll say that he’s waiting for me to leave him.

I don’t find it hypocritical.

It’s just mindfucking hard to decipher what he truly is searching for or the reaction that he wants from me.

It’s as painful as the needle biopsy that i did this morning and the worse part for both is that the pain lingers and coincidentally, all at the left as well.

It really looks like i am destined to lead a life solo. The concept of love eludes or rather, deludes me all the time.

I remember the fortune teller once told me that something drastic would happen to me once i reach 25 but it looks like it’s already starting.

But i will be strong, because i know you need me to be more than he does.