Sunshin3

One probably doesn’t make a difference but when there are four and all after the same thing, it doesn’t do any good on a woman’s self-esteem.

For a woman after truth, probably the most painful knowledge of all is that these four and not related to each other in any way, do not want your companionship and the only company they seek is the hole between your legs.

But because of the pain, there is the fuel to write.

Guess where i am at 9.30pm this evening?

No prizes for guessing the right answer although there could be a bonus if you also guess that i have not eaten dinner yet.

Literally, i am.

Some days he needs me, some days he wants me. Other days, it can even be the opposite. Sometimes he’ll say he’ll leave me, other times he’ll say that he’s waiting for me to leave him.

I don’t find it hypocritical.

It’s just mindfucking hard to decipher what he truly is searching for or the reaction that he wants from me.

It’s as painful as the needle biopsy that i did this morning and the worse part for both is that the pain lingers and coincidentally, all at the left as well.

It really looks like i am destined to lead a life solo. The concept of love eludes or rather, deludes me all the time.

I remember the fortune teller once told me that something drastic would happen to me once i reach 25 but it looks like it’s already starting.

But i will be strong, because i know you need me to be more than he does.

More than feeling frustrated, i am feeling stupider than ever because i am beginning to realise that some sacrifices are just not worth it.

Happy Ratty New Year!

I’m actually too tired to even blog about it.

Old boy’s question on commitment is a question echoed in many a hearts.

When a relationship ends by a choice of ours, what’s going to make the next relationship different from the rest? Sex? Chemistry? Similar interests?

I find a lot of things ironic in life.

We love routine yet routine equates to being boring which also implies a problem somewhat. However too much spontaneity makes it difficult for your partner to anticipate your thought process as well which also seemingly doesn’t bode well for any relationship.

Or is it plainly our expectations of what we REALLY want in a relationship?

Shouldn’t a relationship be about growth and a constant companion who loves you even if you don’t shave?

I guess perhaps, i’ll never really derive at an answer that i can be completely sold to.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIFNfOI-i8g]

I woke up at 3.40am this morning to a text message. One of the sweetest that I have ever received and no later than 5 minutes, I got a call and we spoke for about half an hour.

In the face of so many issues, it was reassuring to hear his voice.

Unfortunately, the search isn’t over and I know I’m not as equanimous as I thought I was.

How now, brown cow?

I’ve got ten days of annual leave to clear before I commence work with the Americans next month. Not many in the office have heard about my resignation although those who are aware are making a great big deal about it.

It’s quite sad that for the first time, I’m actually quite at a loss of how to utilize my annual leave and Old boy, always the thoughtful one, was planning a trip out over the weekend for the both of us.

Well, that was before we realize that he was due to travel to China next week for business.

Bummer, I hear some of you say.

We are still going away except we’re cutting the trip short to enable him more time to pack for his business trip.

I do acknowledge that I am a little disappointed but I don’t want to rush him to stick to the original travel schedule and commit the same mistake that I did with someone else a few years back.

It’s not about being understanding because if I was understanding, I would have scrapped the trip altogether.

As much as I would have loved to follow him to China, he seemed a little reluctant because it is obvious that he cannot commit time for me, not that I mind as long as I get to snooze beside him. Moreover, I could pop by to Hong Kong if I wanted to or to Shanghai to see some of my clients.

Point is, I’m a sucker for freebies and if accommodation is paid for, I’ll jump at the slightest chance.

Heh.

Jokes aside, I am every bit capable of feeling lonely and once he leaves for China, I won’t get to see him, much less hear from him for the next two weeks. Not sure if I can manage that long honestly.

Even with Dave coming by from Australia to visit me, I’m still not so sure.