Now that it’s all said and done,
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I’m slowly getting closure.
I guess it’s really over.
I’m finally getting better.
And now I’m picking up the pieces.
I’m spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.
“I’ve been awake for a while now
you’ve got me feeling like a child now
cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place
It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
whereever it goes I always know
you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
whereever you go”
It’s been too long since i last stepped foot onto this place. If i dare say, it’s been about a year.
The people are the same, the music never stops, the life doesn’t die out. Perhaps the next best routine to working, that can be offered on a Thursday and probably, a Saturday night too.
It was good catching up with old buddies like Aberwyn whose only comments that i remember were, “your hair smells nice”, and “you put on weight”, and tigerkiller, that rambunctious blogger, who pointed us out to the new grasshoppers despite our desire to remain anonymous.
Anyhow, we got free drinks as a result so who cares?
Can we go back to the days
Our love was strong.
Can you tell me how
A perfect love goes wrong.
Can somebody tell me
How to get things back,
The way they used to be.
Oh God, give me the reason,
I’m down on bended knee.
I had a talk with a close friend of mine given the recent developments.
As logical as we understand, there are only two ways about it. It’s either I win him back or I move on and I know that I have nothing with me to win him back.
If there’s one thing I learnt from a poker game, it is knowing when to cut your losses.
My only wish is for him to remain happy even after I’m gone. In the 17 months that we have been together, he knows that I have tried to keep him happy and I don’t want to see him miserable after June. He’s seen the best of me and I have learnt, through him, how to live with another person, learnt to love him even when I am upset and angry with him, learnt to tolerate and manage conflict, learnt virtually anything that is possible from learning through cohabitation.
Honestly, I don’t think we’ll be able to let go fully but I have moved on from being depressed to being melancholic.
He’s made the decision and I can only respect it. At the end of the day, how I feel is immaterial to the equation anymore.
He may not have been aware but it was enough to give me an insight to the decision that he wanted to make.
I just want to tell you that i am sorry.
I’m sorry for the times I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I’m sorry for the times that I had to go
I’m sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home waiting for me
I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’m not always there
I’m sorry for the fact that I am not aware
That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there
Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I am so proud to have been with you
I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me
Sorry for the things that i put you through
And all the times you didn’t know what to do
I’m sorry that you had to do it on your own
I’m sorry that I went and added to your grief
I’m sorry that I grew up way too slow
I wish I would’ve listened and not be so bad
I’m sorry your life turned out this way
A phrase adapted from the popular hit, Can’t Fight This Feeling by the Speedwagon.
I can’t explain the emotion i am experiencing except perhaps association with anger within. Is it even truly anger to begin with? I have begun questioning myself.
It’s illogical for me to be angry and i cannot tell or figure out the motivation that is driving this supposed anger.
The neglect? The expectation? Or the work? Or maybe the personal irritating phone calls today? Or is it simply pms?
I wish i knew and that would have made it a lot easier to deal with.
Fuck, he doesn’t know that i teared after my phone call with him. It is the frustration that i don’t know what i’m feeling anymore especially when i rationalise so many things.
Old boy tells me that Thumper has re-opened after a long hiatus with some spanking new facilities like a biometric payment system. Once the winner of the Nightspot of the Year, i guess it seemed only natural for the new management to capitalise on the brand that the old-Thumper had already established previously.
A pity he found it boring and left the place before 1am. At least, it’s way much better than me leaving Zouk at 10.30pm on a Friday night.
Well, what can i say? I’m not a clubbing junkie.
On a slightly different note, i cannot get Square Rooms out of my head.
“Honey why you calling me so late?
It’s kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper ’cause I can’t be too loud
Well, my girl’s in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It’s really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel..”
