Sunshin3

I am probably one of the worse ever type of girlfriends that a guy can have. For starters, it was Old boy’s birthday last Saturday and I didn’t plan anything or got him anything.

I know he ever told me that I should take him for granted but on his birthday? Even I felt really bad about it.

In fact, even getting the cake was after a discussion that he brought up. To make matters slightly depressing, my period chose to drop by and he couldn’t have a birthday fuck.

And he developed a headache due to the weather extremities and jealousy ate him up when one of the eligible bachelors called to ask me out for drinks that night.

Sigh, talk about a recipe for disaster.

But he is still the sweetest despite it all.

We went out for a really late night walk on Sunday evening, watched a classic movie after that and cuddled off to bed close to 3am in the morning.

With such a loving and understanding boyfriend (well, till June that is), what more can I ask for?

Perhaps, the answer really is more time.

Can we go back to the days
Our love was strong.
Can you tell me how
A perfect love goes wrong.
Can somebody tell me
How to get things back,
The way they used to be.
Oh God, give me the reason,
I’m down on bended knee.

I had a talk with a close friend of mine given the recent developments.

As logical as we understand, there are only two ways about it. It’s either I win him back or I move on and I know that I have nothing with me to win him back.

If there’s one thing I learnt from a poker game, it is knowing when to cut your losses.

My only wish is for him to remain happy even after I’m gone. In the 17 months that we have been together, he knows that I have tried to keep him happy and I don’t want to see him miserable after June. He’s seen the best of me and I have learnt, through him, how to live with another person, learnt to love him even when I am upset and angry with him, learnt to tolerate and manage conflict, learnt virtually anything that is possible from learning through cohabitation.

Honestly, I don’t think we’ll be able to let go fully but I have moved on from being depressed to being melancholic.

He’s made the decision and I can only respect it. At the end of the day, how I feel is immaterial to the equation anymore.

Coming home essentially meant having to take 2 days of medical leave and a day of urgent leave because the weather proved too extreme for me.

I guess it wasn’t hot enough for me to handle.

On hindsight, if i knew i was going to take medical leave, i should have delayed my return from Shanghai.

Heh.

As fun as Shanghai was, it couldn’t beat returning to the strong arms that held me to sleep every night and the familiar masculine scent that brought back fond memories.

Old boy and I had a wonderful date last evening.

image courtesy of http://sparklette.net

He brought me to this restaurant at Tanjong Pagar, called “Blue Ginger”, an alternative since he couldn’t locate the French restaurant that he ate previously. Serving mainly Peranakan fare, the food at Blue Ginger was excellent. We ordered beef rendang, curry vegetables served in assam gravy, and ngoh hiang, which was the boy’s favourite. In fact, you can read another blogger’s review on Blue Ginger.

And thereafter, we took a nice stroll back to the Mrt station.

It’s been a while since i last saw him enjoying something as simple as a good dinner.

I sat on Old boy’s lap while he recited the apologies that came with my entry below. The events that have happened of late, wasn’t his fault because I may have forced him into a corner unknowingly.

It’s painful knowing that he’s not sleeping well.

It’s painful knowing that he’s having a difficult time too.

It’s painful knowing that no matter what, he still loves me and cares for me deeply.

My worst fear has always been that Old boy is only here for a season of my life.

I dare not imagine how life would be like without him by my side. But if that happens, I know that I will still have to move on.

I cannot learn to love a person less.

I can only learn to love him more.

Old boy did a freudian slip last night.

He may not have been aware but it was enough to give me an insight to the decision that he wanted to make.

I just want to tell you that i am sorry.

I’m sorry for the times I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I’m sorry for the times that I had to go
I’m sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home waiting for me
I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’m not always there
I’m sorry for the fact that I am not aware
That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there

Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I am so proud to have been with you

I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that i put you through
And all the times you didn’t know what to do

I’m sorry that you had to do it on your own
I’m sorry that I went and added to your grief
I’m sorry that I grew up way too slow
I wish I would’ve listened and not be so bad
I’m sorry your life turned out this way

Oh, did i forget to add that he bought dark chocolates for me last Friday? For someone who usually thinks that chocolates are a rip-off, his actions were awfully sweet.

We had a nice chat that evening expounding myths about him.

I had my concerns like any other women, like whether i was giving him adequate attention, would he get bored of me etc. The fact that he’s an Aries with limited attention span to boot because of his extremely fast processing speed, made it a little uncomfortable for me.

After all, i am a sucker for routines and i am not as creative as Adam Sandler in 50 First Dates.

But the one sentence that really stood out in the entire evening was this:-

“I make mistakes too, so please be understanding and forgive me.”

1. Love is buying a sandwich for me when we were working late one night at our respective offices even though you had not taken dinner as you were afraid that I would get gastric;

2. Love is picking up my jacket when i absent-mindedly left it at the restaurant where I met you for lunch even though it wasn’t important;

3. Love is understanding when I am tired and deciding to go to bed early instead of pushing to get work out;

4. Love is bringing me to a foot reflex parlour to have both our feet and back massaged to show your appreciation; and

5. Love is choosing the burnt otar over the unburnt one even when I tried to ensure you had the good stuff when I made you breakfast.

Sometimes the acts matter more than the words do.

After three weeks of waiting, Old boy’s Christmas present is finally here.

Whilst others get Xboxes, PSPs and iPhones as Christmas presents for their significant others, i chose to get a full-scale wireless keyboard and mouse set from a4tech because it was something that he needed.

And in his words, “The best Christmas present evar!”

He fixed up a 2 + 1 speaker layout from our tv and notebooks.

We now have a home theatre in our little enclave and i can really be that rock chick at heart.

Sweet!