But because of the rain, I found time to brush up on my culinary efforts. Notice I mentioned efforts and not skills because of the obvious.

Old boy once taught me the joys of pork fat melting onto a pan of potatoes and sprinkled with lots of oregano. The last time he cooked it for us, it left me with tears in my eyes because of the sweetness of the potatoes and the tenderness of the meat. I tried the same with a cut of rib-eye that was marinated with lime, soya sauce, cooking wine, and black pepper previously.

Somehow, searing the meat was like an ode to Old boy all over again. After all, that was how he was. Sweet and tender.

That was Saturday.

Sunday was spent mixing pasta with pesto sauce on Sunday for dinner. And yes, he taught me that as well. Cutting the long beans, carrots, corns, crab meat, bacons and mince meat was easy but the difficulty was coordinating the right amount of milk with the pesto sauce. I lost count of the number of times my tasting spoon dipped onto the pesto sauce.

I don’t really know if I was a good student, since I was banking on serendipity to guide me through but I guess the meals I cooked were decent enough.

Now, if only I can have an epiphany on how to make foie gras.

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Sumptuous, succulent and surprisingly, salty.

A company celebration brought us to Lawry’s at Paragon for lunch where we feasted on the physical and the aesthetics.

The interior of Lawry’s reminded one of the old English facade, with the high ceilings, classic cornices and the solid wallpaper decorations adorning the walls. Considering that the cheapest cut in the menu costs about S$59, i guess all of us would like to eat in a S$59 environment as well..

Now, back to the meat.

Most of us had the Lawry’s Cut (approximately 285g) and each prime cut comes with the spinning salad, mashed potates, choice of vegetables (either cream spinach or cream corn) and yorkshire pudding.

But because the meat was so tender and appetising, i was hungry 4 hours later.

Sigh, talk about hitting the sweet spot..

Anyway, if you’re interested, DBS card holders enjoy 1-for-1 on the ala carte menu during lunch so if you’re around the corner and a dbs cardholder, pop by and feast.

The snores followed subsequently and the boy slept, peacefully unaware that I was (six feet) under the bed, crushed and pushed by his sheer strength.

But I laughed it off anyway.

And for the first time, in a very long time, I finally realised why I never had dreams of him. Because I don’t need dreams to tell me that he knew just how to make everything alright.

I’ve come to a stage of realisation that i cannot deal with it anymore. Not from an emotional point, a mental point, a physical point or a psychological point.

I am tired, resentful, hurt and withdrawn. I do not feel a sense of acknowledgment, a sense of relief or a sense of sensibility in my actions. I can’t sleep, i barely have my appetite, I’m popping pills and perhaps even drinking, every day.

This isn’t me but yet i am now.

And what lies beneath is a choice.

The mere sound of the word ‘oncology’ is enough to strike fear in the hearts of many. Tomorrow is my scheduled appointment with the oncologist. As much as work is the excuse, i guess the main reason for the hesitation is the fear of finding out the truth.

Perhaps, in the process, i have encountered and heard of stories of men and women, God-fearing alike, who ask Him why them when things do not go their way. Yet what pains me is the reasoning behind, the thought process that they have on their quest to find out the answers.

Doing good deeds or volunteering for church activities will not give you the jailfree card that the Monopoly games have.

Just the other day, my colleagues and i were discussing about Him. Ironic as it seems, the women in my workplace all have relationship issues while the men appear to be pretty henpacked. But that aside, with the confessions, came the knowledge that the Church of present had lost its grounding and has become too commercialized.

Faith? Do you really understand what is faith or have you become like the masses, who interpret faith to be as logical as a mathematical equation? I know there is God, therefore, i have faith?

As i reflect, i feel for certain that i have stopped growing, i have stopped caring and it is evident from the present relationships that i have. I know no more than how to salvage a relationship now than perhaps 2 years back. Books of knowledge have helped me thus far but i need more.

And the best source?

You and i both know the answer.

The theme was sombre, the movie was mature and the humor was well, dark. It’s not a kid’s movie for sure and i think all would agree that Heath Ledger was convincingly twisted.

Unlike the past Batman movies, Dark Knight had a lot more angst than love.

Watch it if you want but be prepared for a really long movie.

I can’t really explain why or how but just, i miss him alot.

Never ever get the Mario and Sonic Olympic Games edition if you are a noob at the Wii.

After two hours of intense tummyaches from laughter, i have come to the conclusion that I really sucked at playing the Wii. But i have to admit, the whole interface is damn cool.

Probably the only thing that was slightly frustrating was the sensor but well, maybe it’s thy player itself.

With the stress of the everyday activities, coupled with the lack of sleep, I know you are trying your best not to be irritable and frustrated.

Because of you, everything was possible.

Thank you.

For your time, for your efforts,
For your love and forgiveness.